A subscriber of our blog sent me this comment and question:

Brother, Thank you for writing article that contains good advices.  I agree that we should follow the will of God because He is the founder of marriage.

“‘Til death do us part”. I really agree with that.

But friend, we are human and we are not perfect. Life is like a race and there would winners and there would be losers too.

My question is: If your partner in life (wife) has engaged with extra-marital affair  and you forgive her many times for the sake of the children, but still she couldn’t change. Should you leave her and marry again?

I don’t know if what he told us on this email is based on his experience or is he just making a scenario just to hear our thoughts about the problem. But whatever is true, here’s my thought about it:

Be Truthful

My wife and I had agreed a lot of things even before we get married. And one of our agreements is that we should be truthful to each other. Being truthful doesn’t mean that we should devout our selves to each other.

When we say truthful, it means that we should tell each other what we feel and what we think about our relationship. If one of us felt that he or she need to stop the relationship because his or her love is already with the third party, then he or she should tell his or her partner about this for them to decide whether to continue the relationship or to break it off.

In our 4 and 1/2 years (Today, December 24, 2008 is our relationship’s 5th year anniversary) of engaging with long distance relationship, we followed what we had agreed.

When I learned that my gf accepted new suitor, I immediately talked to her and told her that it was the right time to stop our relationship. I told her that what she did simply told me that she’s not already contented with our relationship and that sh’e already looking for someone other then me.

However, she told me that she’s sorry for what she did and that she’d never do that again. So, I forgave her and went on with our relationship.

Avoid the Entrance of the Third Party

Usually, a relationship breaks because of the third party. I meet lots of people and talk to them about their relationship and most of them agreed with that.

It might be true that the husband made a lot of failures in his life but this failures actually can’t break a marriage as long as each of the couple avoided the entrance of the third party into their relationship. Once the wife or the husband allowed the entrance of the third party into their relationship, then that will be the time that their marriage will start to be ruined.

Please read my article, “How to avoid the entrance of the third party into your relationship.”

The Third Party is IN Already?

Now, you already missed something and the third party is in your relationship already. So, what should you do?

Okay. You need to talk. If your wife is responsible in letting the third party in then ask her if she’s still interested to continue your relationship. If she really wants to go with the third party then let her be. Your family will suffer the misery that will be brought into by the relationship of your wife to the third party.

However, you need to tell her that your family really needs her as the mother of your children and as your wife. If you’ve done things that led her to what she’s in now, then you still have the chance to change, promised her that you’ll change, and show her that you are changing.

Should I Marry Again?

I know that you are Christian. So instead of directly answering this question with my thoughts, I rather share you the advice of Apostle Paul:

10 Now to the Married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.

11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. (I Corinthians 7:10-11, New Kings James Version)

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