I am trying to write articles that will help you strengthen your own family. However, I have the hard time finishing it. So, instead of sharing you my own article, I rather share you an article written by a Minister of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, Brother Roland A. Aguirre and was published with the Pasugo-God’s Message magazine (July 2009, Volume 61, Number 7, pages 33-36).

The title of the article is: Why Family Matters, and how can we make it strong and secure. The article is quite long but you can browse it by its sub-titles.

1. Introduction
2. A Divine Institution
3. A Blessed and Secure Household
4. Communicating, Sharing
5. Watching Over the Children, Being a Role Model
6. Parental Discipline
7. Valuing Marriage and Married Life
8. Children with a Promise
9. About the Pasugo-God’s Message

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Introduction

By and large, no community, society or nation will rise or progress if its basic foundation – which is the family – is weak. Yet today the family has been under constant assault. Just consider these: the high rate of children being born to unmarried mothers and the increasing divorce rate are sweeping through many countries in unprecedented proportions, affecting the children’s future and that of the next generation.

A recent report released by the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that, worldwide, the highest unwed birth rates be found among the Scandinavian nations; in Iceland for example, 66 percent of births were to unmarried women, 55 percent in Sweden, 54 percent in Denmark; the United States unwed rate of 40 percent was about equal to that of the United Kingdom and the Netherlands; also, the CDC data stated that between 40 and 50 percent of American marriages end in divorce (ABC News).

Moreover, statistics from the United Nations have indicated a trend of rising divorce rates in recent years, not only in the US but also in many countries such as Brazil, Great Britain, and Germany; and many Asian countries such as India and China are catching up; the divorce rate in Korea, for instance, is ranked third in the world (Women of China).

Sadly, this sharp rise in the number of children being born out wedlock and in the number of divorced people has negative consequences especially to the children.

Various studies have indicated that children born in such an environment are more prone to a whole range of problems – such as juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, suicides, and dropping out of schools – than those who were not. Many other psychiatric and emotional problems, experts say, are present as well among such children, due greatly to the instability and breakdown of the family (Heritage).

In addition, recent statistics have also revealed rising number of unmarried couples living together, domestic disputes, marital conflicts, among others, that reflect a lackadaisical attitude toward marriage and a waning regard for the value of the family.

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A Divine Institution

God did not intend the family to be in such a sad and dismal state of affairs. He instituted the family for the benefit of its members; there is no denying that a strong family is for the best interest of both parents and children alike. Consequently, a stronger family unit makes for a better and more caring society; hence, if we want a strong and stable nation, we must start with the most basic of social institutions – the family. Therefore, we need to support the advocacy of concerned sectors for the protection, preservation, and strengthening of the family.

Believing that the family is a divine institution and that its disintegration will adversely affect not only society but our relationship with God as well, the Iglesia Ni Cristo promotes good family values and various activities to strengthen family relationships through its Christian family organizations, namely, the Buklod, KADIWA, and Binhi.

The Church, to underscore the value of the family, upholds biblical teachings such as obedience to and faith in God, respect for parents, proper marriage and married life, caring for and disciplining of children, proper relationships between husband and wife and between parents and children, among others – to guide members on how to successfully overcome the challenges facing our family today and thus make it stable, strong, and secure -  a blessed family we all greatly desire.

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A Blessed and Secure Household

God’s blessings to our family are firmly anchored on its members having reverent fear of the Lord. This can be gleaned from the following passages:

“Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around the table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD.” (Ps. 128:1-4, new King James Version)

Inevitably, such household members who walk in His ways or obey His commandments will live securely and in peace. And the parents are the ones whom God holds accountable for teaching their children; they are responsible for religious instruction in their household (Deut. 4:10). Surely, the family should be where Christian values and character are nurtured and cultivated. Hence, parents should diligently teach God’s commandments to their children at all opportune times:

“You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deut. 11:19-20, NKJV)

The hustle and bustle of everyday life should not make parents forget that one of their top priorities is making sure that their children walk in God’s ways, that is, providing not only for their physical and emotional needs but also moral and spiritual guidance in order to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, New International Version). That means introducing them to the teaching about the true  God, providing them spiritual guidance, praying with them, worshipping with them and attending various Church acitivies.

Needless to say, strengthening the family is not an easy task, but the sacrifices and toils of parents are worth if they have nurtured and guided their sons and daughters to become strong and faithful youth of the Church.

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Communicating, Sharing

In these days of busyness and instant results, valuable commodities that are lacking in families are time and attention. This should not be the case with the family of God’s people. Although parents have to struggle for their family to make ends meet in today’s world, still, they must be available in their children’s lives, spending quality time with them. They must never neglect initiating dialogues between them and their children, given the advent of the television, the Internet, PC games, video game consoles, etc., that have taken the place of meaningful conversation. With the lack of attention and care, many of the kids today are growing up without essential moral values and, much worse, spiritually immature – to the detriment of the family.

Communication is the key. And what better things to communicate and share than God’s abiding love and mercy to our family. Thus, in order to strengthen the family, parents should never forget to pass down to the next generation the good things God has done to them:

“Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” (Deut. 4:9, ibid.)

God urges parents to share their experiences, wherein His compassion was revealed and important lessons were learned, to their children. Through God’s acts of kindness, younger people can gain inspiration from their parent’s successes and avoid their mistakes. These and other amzing things that attest to His goodness and mercy that must be passed down to the next generation – such as the work of salvation that was started by the Messenger of God in these last days, the continued success of the church led by the present Church administration, our divine calling in the Church, and God’s continued blessings and protection – are a lasting legacy we can bequeath our children.

No stone should be left unturned, indeed, as far as the parents in God’s nation are concerned in providing for the spiritual growth and development of their family.

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Watching Over the Children, Being a Role Model

However, it is not enough that parents teach their children to enhance their family’s spiritual life. They should watch over their children to ensure that they obey the teachings of God taught to them (Prov. 31:27-29).

Parents should know where to draw the line for their children when it comes to relationships with others. They must know their children’s companions; where they are and what they are doing. Precisely, for friends and acquaintances might be the ones luring them to violate God’s laws. We should not let our children fall I nto sin; we should advise them to avoid evil influences:

“Son, when sinners temp you, don’t give in. … Son, don’t go with people like that. Stay away from them.” (Prov. 1:10, 15, Today’s English Version).

Even activities within the confines of the home should be monitored. The use of the Internet should be supervised, for these are websites and chat rooms that are inappropriate for children and very detrimental to their well-being; many PC and online games are violent and use obscene languages. TV Viewing must be regulated and supervised as well because children tend to absorb everything that they see.

Furthermore, strengthening the family’s spiritual foundation necessitates parents to be paragons of true Christian living and faith to their children because it is not only what we say but what we do that ruly counts. And so, parents should lead their children in attending the congregational worship service at the house of worship, as God said to Moses and the Israelites before:

“The LORD will choose a single place where he is to be worshiped. … Be joyful there in his presence, together with your children …” (Deut. 12:11-12, ibid/)

Likewise, the father should exercise parenting by example by leading his wife and children in standing firm in their conviction that whatever happens, they will stand fast on the side of the Lord and will always remain obedience members of the Church of Christ. As a father, he should emulate Joshua who stood firm in his faith vis-à-vis serving false gods in their midst and thus said, “… But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Josh. 24:15, NKJV). Accordingly, no parent should allow his children to be enticed by a false preacher and a false religion that will separate them from the true Christian Church.

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Parental Discipline

Strengthening the family necessitates parents, however busy their schedules may be, to make sure that no one in their household, especially among their children, would do things that can turn them away from God (Deut. 29:18).

Some of these abominable deeds are the worship of false gods, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, and premarital sex. Parents should also make sure that their children do not become romantically involved with or marry unbelievers or those who do not belong to God’s nation (Deut. 7:3-4).

In the event that a child commits misdeeds or misdemeanours or if he is about to sin, a parent should be prepared to restrain, correct or discipline him. God expects parents to neither withhold correction nor hesitate to discipline erring children (Prov. 23:13). Disciplining an errant child is an act of parental care and concern; a loving parent disciplines his child promptly:

“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” (Prov. 13:24, NKJV)

Parents should not be afraid to discipline their children, but must do it with caution and proper care, for he loves his child “is careful to discipline him” (Prov. 12:24. NIV). What is prohibited on the part of the parents is scolding or disciplining children too much:

“Fathers, don’t scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying.” (Coo. 3:21, Iving Bible)

The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow properly, neither provoking them to anger or discouragement nor being overly strict with them that they grow up with inferiority complex. With proper or reasonable discipline and correction, children will grow up with a clear understanding of what is right and wrong and with proper direction to their lives, benefiting them in the end:

“Don’t hesitate to discipline a child. … As a matter of fact, it may save his life.” (Prov. 23:13-13, TEV)

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Valuing Marriage and Married Life

For parents to be effective in teaching their children, they must first demonstrate their high regard for the institution of marriage that God established (Gen. 2:23-24). Farthest from their mind is violating wht God has decreed regarding marriage:

“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” (I Cor. 7:10-11, NIV).

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It should not be short-lived union- which spells trouble for children. Certainly, God hates divorce; He does not allow married couples to separate (Mal. 2:16; Matt. 19-6). The only thing that can separate them is death. Divorce does not conform to God’s teachings. Marital breakdown, therefore, affects not only the wellbeing of children, but their relationships with God as well.

Also, marriage must remain honourable. The Bible clearly states that “… God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery” (Heb. 13:4, TEV). Married couples in God’s nation should honor the sanctity of marriage, remaining faithful to each other and never allowing their relationship to be tarnished by infidelity. By doing so, not only do they preserve and protect their union but the family’s harmony and unity.

Indeed, protecting the threatened institution of marriage and making it strong entails commitment to one’s spouse, and most importantly, faithfulness to God and His commandments.

In addition, in the family of God’s people, the wife and children recognize the father as the head of the family, just like Abraham, who was given the right or authority to command his children and his household (Gen. 18:19). To prove that they recognize the right of husbands as head of their family, wives ought to obey God’s commandment to them that says. “Wives, submit to your husbands.” (Col. 3:18, NIV). A wife should not be self-willed; hence, she does not make decisions without first consulting her husband.

Marital and family stability is undeniably linked to blessings and benefits for our family, and this can be achieved by obedience to God’s laws and teachings.

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Children with a Promise

The importance of proper religious instruction to children in making the families in God’s nation bastions of strength cannot be over emphasized. If it is not practiced it could have dire consequences for the family because, “A foolish son is his father’s ruin” (Prov. 19:13, ibid). A foolish child brings grief, shame, and trouble to his parent and family. Contrastingly, “Precious treasure remains in the house of the wise …” (Prov. 21:20, New Revised Standard Version). Children who are wise are those who understand and keep the commandments of God in their life. They are the children or youth who are strong and will defeat evil (I John 2:14). They are the children who will receive God’s promise:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth (Eph. 6:1-3, NIV).

Children who honor their mother and father and show their great appreciation of their parent’s sacrifices for them, not only during special occasions, are truly worthy of god’s promises in this life. Most importantly, children who honor God, above all, by obeying His commands will receive His eternal rewards on the appointed day.

Without a doubt, fulfilling the roles and responsibilities that God entrusts to parents and children will greatly redound to a strong and secure family, for the benefit of its own members. Thus, even though we live in a world where the family is under constant threat, where the diminution of the value of family is increasing everyday, yet, for God’s true servants – family still matters.

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About the Pasugo – God’s Message

Pasugo-God’s Message is published monthly by the Iglesia Ni Cristo with editorial office at No. 1 Central Avenue, New Era, Quezon City, Philippines.

]]> http://www.selaplana.com/2012/02/04/why-family-matters-and-how-can-we-make-it-strong-and-secure/feed/ 0 http://www.selaplana.com/2012/01/09/4-things-to-know-and-understand-for-getting-a-successful-marriage/ http://www.selaplana.com/2012/01/09/4-things-to-know-and-understand-for-getting-a-successful-marriage/#comments Mon, 09 Jan 2012 09:48:22 +0000 Fred Gonzales http://www.selaplana.com/?p=10657

Title: 4 Things to Know and Understand About Marriage
Author: Fred Gonzales

Introduction

Many who entered Marriage dreamed of having a successful marriage life. That’s the reason why most of them plan it well first and did the preparation for it before entering it. However, there are those couples whose marriages end up into a failure no matter how prepared are they and how they planned for it.

Now, in order to avoid such fate, you should know and understand the will of God recorded in the Holy Bible, before getting married. And it is not just enough to know and understand them, but you should follow them, so that you’ll have a successful marriage.

God Created Marriage

We, Christians, knew already that it was God who created marriage. However, there are those who still doubt about it. So, how did we know that God is the one who created marriage? In Genesis 2:18, 21-24, it was recorded:

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” …
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman. And He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (New King James Version)

Take note of what God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” That’s the reason why God made a woman out of a rib of Adam and then after that, God brought the woman to the man. From that moment, the man and woman joined together by God, and become one flesh, which means they became husband and wife, joined together by marriage.

So, it was God who first instituted marriage, joining Adam and Eve, the first man and woman… the first husband and wife.

And since it is God who created marriage, those who are joined together by marriage should not be separated by man. A husband or the wife should not divorce his wife or her husband, just like what Christ has taught that was recorded in Matthew 19:3-6:

3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife and for just any reason?”
4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He would made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female’
5 “and said, ‘For this reason a man joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” (New King James Version)

So, if you’re already married, then you should not forget that no man should separate you. You should not even divorce your wife/husband just because of anything. A husband will only be freed from the law of marriage once his wife died, or the wife will be freed from the law of marriage binding her from her husband if her husband died. This is what has been recorded in the Bible at Romans 7:2

2 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. (Romans 7:2, New King James Version)

Now, in order for you to avoid thinking or considering to divorce your husband or wife, read my previous article posted on this SELaplana blog, “4 Things to Do to Preserve Marriage”.

Good Wife/Husband is coming From God

Let’s consider the first verses of the Bible we quoted above:

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” …
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman. And He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (New King James Version)

From those verses, you’ve noticed that it was God who brought the woman to the man and they were joined together by God Himself, right?

What does it mean? Well, it was clear, that good wife or husband is coming from God. This truth is also what Proverbs 19:14 said:

14 Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers,
But a prudent wife is from the Lord. (New International Version)

And no one has dreamed of having a bad husband or wife because she or he will just cause shame to her husband or his wife.

4 And excellent wife is the crown of her husband
But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4, New King James Version)

In other words, good wife or good husband doesn’t bring shame to her husband or his wife. And not only that, she or he can also be trusted as stated in Proverbs 31:10-11:

10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.

Other characteristics of a good wife are:

1. She does him good and not evil, all days of her life. (Proverbs 31:12, NKJV)
2. She willingly works with her hands. (Proverbs 31:13, NKJV)
3. She rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household. (Proverbs 31:15, NKJV)
4. She watches over the ways of her household. (Proverbs 31:27, NKJV)
5. She is praised by her husband and children. (Proverbs 31:28, NKJV)

Now, if good wife or husband is coming from God, then you need to ask God for it.

Responsibilities of the Husband and the Wife

For Husband

The man should know and understand that he is the one who is told by God to provide for his household as recorded in I Timothy 5:8:

8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (New King James Version)

The wife can help the husband find a living for the family, but the husband should not forget that to provide the needs of his family or household is his responsibility.

He is also commanded to love his wife and show his love to her and give himself for her.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it. …
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just the Lord does the church (New King James Version)

And not only that, the husband should live with his wife with full of understanding. He should honor his wife.

7 Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (I Peter 3:7, New King James Version)

Even if he is put as head over his wife (Ephesians 5:23), he should still consult his wife before deciding about any thing for their family. In this way, he can give honor to his wife.

For the Wife

The wife is also commanded to submit to her husband just like what Apostle Paul taught:

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22, New King James Version)

So, don’t ever think of making your husband under you. Just like what we already learned above, your husband is placed as your head, which means, the decision should come from your husband, although you can give him suggestions and ideas, but you still need to hear your husband’s decision as what the apostle Paul taught:

11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission.
12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man but to be in silence. (I Timothy 2:11-12, New King James Version)

In this way, you can show your respect to your husband as the head of the family.

33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33, New King James Version)

God’s Commandments in Choosing Wife or Husband

You have learned earlier that a good wife is coming from God, right?

We members of the Iglesia Ni Cristo or Church of Christ don’t just ask God for a good wife or husband, but we also followed the will of God in getting married, particularly in choosing for a wife or a husband. In the II Corinthians 6:14-15, the Bible says:

14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? (New King James Version)

The phrase, “do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers,” actually refers to choosing a wife or husband. That’s why in other translation of the Bible, it says “do not unite yourselves in marriage with unbelievers”. And why should we are advised not to unite in marriage with unbelievers or those who are not Iglesia Ni Cristo members? Well, the reason why is stated on the verses we quoted above like: There has no fellowship with righteousness and lawlessness, and the light has no communion with the darkness, the same is true with Christ and Belial.

This commandment of God in marriage is not new actually. In the times of Israel, God commanded them these:

2 “and when the Lord your God delivers them over to you, you shall conquer them and utterly destroy them. You shall make no covenant with them nor show mercy to them.
3 “nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son.
4 “For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly. (Deuteronomy 7:2-4, New King James Version)

And one of the reason why God commanded them not to get a daughter from those who are not part of Israel for their son, or give their daughter to the son of those who are not part of Israel is because they will just turn the son and daughter of Israel who will get married to those who are not part of Israel to serve other gods and of course to do evil things.

For example, in the Iglesia Ni Cristo, members are taught not to drink alcoholic drinks. But outside the Iglesia Ni Cristo, drinking alcoholic drinks are allowed. So, if a member of the INC will marry a non-member of the INC, he or she will just be influenced to drink alcoholic drinks.

Another thing is: The Iglesia Ni Cristo members are taught not to worship idols and are advised not to take parts of pagan celebration. However, in the outside of the INC, worshiping and serving idols and taking part of the pagan festivities are practiced. So, if a member of the INC marries a non member, he or she will surely be taught to serve and worship idols and take part of pagan festivities.

That’s is why, we members of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, choose a wife or a husband who is a real Iglesia Ni Cristo member who don’t just received  the teachings of God but also live with it in his life. True members of the Iglesia Ni Cristo are those who live in a transformed life according to Christ’s teachings and God’s will.

Finale

Knowing and understanding these things will help you find a good wife or good husband, whom you’ll live with for the rest of your life. You can also read my article, “5 Things to Do to Strengthen your Family“.

About the Author

Fred Gonzales is a member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo but he has no authority to represent the Church.

This article was written by Fred through the inspiration of the teachings upheld by the Iglesia Ni Cristo and the articles of the Pasugo Magazine (official magazine of the Iglesia Ni Cristo). However, this article should not be considered the Church writing, but just a personal written article of the author.

Most of the couples, who entered into marriage and have just started to form family, are dreaming of having a strong family of their own. A family of which the parents have stable relationship and the children are fearful to God and have respect to their parents.

This dream of theirs can be easily fulfilled, only if they, the couple, planned their marriages and forming the family well. And not only that… they should also do their responsibilities:

1. The responsibilities of the wife and the husband in preserving their marriage;
2. The responsibilities of the parents to their children;
3. The responsibilities of the children.

Preserve Your Marriage

Regarding to how you can preserve your marriage, I recently wrote article about it and it was published into this SELaplana blog too. The article was, “4 Things To Do to Preserve Marriage.”

Teach the Children

Teaching the children is the responsibility of the parents as taught and commanded by God which is recorded in Psalms 78:5-7:

5 He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our ancestors
to teach their children,
6 so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.
7 Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands. (New International Version)

You, as parents, are told to teach your children the commandments of God, so that your children will teach their children too. In doing so, the commandments of God will be kept from generation to generation and they will remain faithful to God.

And why should you teach the children to be faithful to God? This is because your life here in earth is limited. Time will come that you will leave your children. And while they were left behind in this world, they still have someone to count on, just like what has been recorded in Psalms 27:10:

10 Even if my father and mother
left me all alone,
the LORD would take me in. (Common English Bible)

But to be able to teach the children effectively, you must be a good role model of action just like what Apostle Paul had teach Titus by saying:

4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness (Titus 2:4-7, New International Version)

Many people called this way of teaching as teaching by example. You just don’t tell them what to do and should not be done, but instead, you do the things that you want to teach your children, let them observe you, and for sure, your children will follow what you have shown to them.

For example, if you want to teach them not to smoke cigarettes, then you must show them, and you should not be smoking cigarettes. If you want to teach them to pray to God every 8 o’clock in the evening, then you must be the one to do it first.

And just like what the verse has said, you should teach your female children to love their husband and children, to be sensible, morally pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husband. In teaching them by the example, the mother of the household should learn to be like that first, so that the young women will see these things from them and when they will became wives too, they will have these qualities.

The same is true to the father of the household. They should show the characteristics that a responsible father should have, so that their children, especially the young men, will learn to live with those qualities.

And it should be taken note that teaching your children should start from the earliest time of their lives.

Discipline the Children

Teaching the children is not just the responsibilities of the parents in making the lives of the children in accordance to the will of God. The parents should also discipline their children. The Bible taught us this:

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. (Psalms 23:13, New International Version)

According to that verse, you, parents, should “not withhold discipline from a child”. If the children have done wrong, then let them know that what they have done is wrong. If they will not listen to you, then why not punish them. After all, according to the Bible, “if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.”

But, you should have to take note that punishing your child should be done in proper ways. Don’t hit them when you’re angry, because you can’t control anymore the force in hitting them when you are in the state of anger.

You should not forget that hitting the child without control is already an abuse. If you hit your child with a rod, him with love.

Befriend to the Children

We have observed that most of the children who are not close to their parents tend to be close to their friends. When time come that the children face problems, they can’t tell their parents about it, instead they will seek help from their friends.

This situation should no happen to your children. You should give time to talk to them and make friends with them. Give them the chance to talk about their feelings, to tell their experiences, and to confess their problems. Give them such inspiration and encouragement every time they have a tough task to do, and be with them in times they have troubles.

Of course, they can have a lot of friends. But once your children found you as their best friends, then instead of running into their other friends, they will run to you for help, for someone to cry on, and for someone to be with them.

The Children’s Responsibilities

In keeping a family strong, it’s not only the parents who have the responsibilities to do. Children as well, have responsibilities to their parents, just like what the Bible has said in Proverbs 23:22-25:

22 Listen to your father, who gave you life,
and do not despise your mother when she is old.
23 Buy the truth and do not sell it—
wisdom, instruction and insight as well.
24 The father of a righteous child has great joy;
a man who fathers a wise son rejoices in him.
25 May your father and mother rejoice;
may she who gave you birth be joyful! (New International Version)

According to the verse, children should:

1. Listen to the father.
2. Not despise the mother.
3. Be wise and righteous.

It should be taken note of the children that if they will be wise and righteous, they are giving joy to their father and mother.

And to be able to stay wise and righteous, children should do the things as stated by the Bible:

10 My son, if sinful men entice you,
do not give in to them.
11 If they say, “Come along with us;
let’s lie in wait for innocent blood,
let’s ambush some harmless soul;
12 let’s swallow them alive, like the grave,
and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
13 we will get all sorts of valuable things
and fill our houses with plunder;
14 cast lots with us;
we will all share the loot”—
15 my son, do not go along with them,
do not set foot on their paths; (Proverbs 1:10-15, New International Version)

According to that verse, you, children, should not give in the invitations of those sinful men and you should even not set foot on their paths and do not go along with them.

In other words, you, children, should choose your friend to whom you will go along with. If someone whom you know or feel who have vices such as those who are gamblers, addict of alcoholic drinks and drugs, etc, are trying to invite you to be with them, then do not ever give in.

Why? Why should you not give in to the invitations of those sinful friends? According to the Bible at I Corinthians 15:33,

“Bad company corrupts good character.” (New International version)

If you are going with gamblers, for sure, you’ll become gambler too. If your company drink alcoholic drinks, you’ll become like them too.

That’s why we have a saying which says: “Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell who you are”.

So, instead of utilizing your times with your friends, you, children, should be industrious, and should work hard for your future. Don’t ever be lazy, instead use your time in getting better education, so that in the future, you will find better job which will be your source of wealth for your own family, just like what the Bible has said in Proverbs 10:4-5:

4 Lazy hands make for poverty,
but diligent hands bring wealth.
5 He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son,
but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son. (New International Version)

You should take note of this: Lazy people never succeed, instead they will fall into poverty.

About the Author:

Fred Gonzales wrote this article through the inspiration of the teachings of God upheld by the Iglesia Ni Cristo, and some thoughts contained on this article are based on a Pasugo (the official magazine of the Iglesia Ni Cristo) article. However, this article should not be considered a church writing but just a personal writing. The author is member of the said Church but he is not a minister and has no authority to represent the Church.

Nowadays, marriage is no longer considered by many as sacred. It is already considered as a piece of agreement that can be just thrown into scratch if one party or both wanted to break away from the bond.

There are already many couples who do not consider marriage as their first priority. Instead of getting married first, they immediately live in together as if they are husbands and wives. For them, getting married is just a waste of time. Besides, they don’t want to compromise themselves, if ever time will come that they will decide to separate from each other. So, at least, if one of them wants to leave the other, they can immediately do it without the hassle of facing any charges. Besides, if one will file for divorce, it is very much costly.

If we will actually try to look around the world, we will see the fact that people get married today and tomorrow they get divorced just because they, couples, don’t meet in one point.

Most of the reasons why their marriage ended up in divorce are: third party, violence, money, and miss communication.

But since we are Christian, then we need to consider the teaching of God regarding marriage. This is where we start examining the Holy Bible.

God’s will on divorce

Let us start the discussion by asking the Bible, does God permit divorce?

The question is answered by Christ as recorded in Matthew 19:4-6:

And he answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’

“and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (New King James Version)

Christ’s answer is clear when he said, “let no man separate them.” This means that God does not permit divorce.

Why? Why God does not permit divorce? How is his feeling over the divorce?

In Malachi 2:16, we can read the answer which says:

“For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.” (New King James Version)

According to the verse, God hates divorce. So, if one engages in divorce, then for sure, God will hate him too, which means he will surely became God’s enemy. And who really wants to become God’s enemy? No one. So, since we don’t want to become the enemy of God, then we should not consider divorcing our husband or wife.

The Only Solution to Avoid Divorce

There is only one, actually, way on how to avoid the divorce. And this is to make the law, the will, the commandments or the teachings of God rule over the couple’s relationship as what the Apostle Paul said:

For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. (Romans 7:2, New King James Version)

According to that verse, the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband. It is not actually applicable only to the woman, because the husband whom the wife is bound is also bound to the wife. In other words, both, the husband and the wife are bound to each other by the law.

If only the couple will understand this and have the heart to follow this fact, they will not do anything that can ruin their relationship. According to the verse, one can only be released from the law that bound them if one has died.

So, what are the teachings of God that if the couple follow them, they will not end up into divorce, but will live together happily till the death of one of the couple or both?

Here are the 4 things that a couple should do to preserve their marriage:

1.) Marriage should be honored.

The teaching of the Bible clearly said this:

Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4, New King James Version)

One should honor marriage and should remain faithful to each other. They should avoid fornication and adultery or else God will judge them.

We know that temptations are there always besides us. But if you really believe that God will judge those fornicators and adulterers, then I am sure that you will not allow the temptations to rule over yourselves.

2.) Mutual Love and Respect

Apostle Paul taught this:

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular to love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33, New King James Version)

The verse said that husband should love his wife as himself. A person, who loves his own body, will never do anything that will hurt him. The same is true if he loves his own wife, he does not only say the words “I Love You” to his wife, but he will never allow  something bad will happen to her. He will never hurt her, instead, he will provide everything that she needs.

Apostle Peter has this message too:

Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wives, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (I Peter 3:7, New King James Version)

The apostle told the husband to live with his own wife, who is the weaker one, with understanding and respect. Husband should not be violent and should not raise his hands against his wife.

We should also take note that these verses do not teach the husbands to love the wives of the others or the wives to love the husbands of the others. It is clearly said that the husbands should love their own wives.

And for the wives, they are also told to respect their own husbands.

3. Spend Your Wealth Wisely

The book of proverbs taught us this:

Wise people live in wealth and luxury, but stupid people spend their money as fast as they get it. (Proverbs 21:20, Todays English Version)

It is normal for us to dream of owning something like a house and lot, car, appliances and other things. But these things should not harm the marriage. And it can be done if the couple spend their money wisely.

The Bible teaches us this:

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5, New International Version)

According to the verse, keep your lives free of love of money.

The love of money will make you spend your money as fast as you can which is describe by the bible as the way the stupid spend their money. So, in order for you to successfully spend your money wisely, you should be away from the love of money. And just like what it said: You should be content with what you have.

4. Don’t Break Your Promises

The book of Malachi teaches us this:

You ask why he no longer accepts them. It is because to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and you have broken your promise to her, although you promised before God that you would be faithful to her. (Malachi 2:14, Todays English Version)

Communication is part of the married couple’s relationship. They should give time for them to bond to each other by not only talking about anything but also by discussing seriously some important subjects that each of them needs to know, to learn and to prepare for whatever happens. And part of this communication is the promises made by them.

But promises should not be broken. Don’t ever subscribe to what other say that promises are made to be broken. As you promise your spouse, you need to make sure it will be fulfilled.

But during the wedding, each of you took vow that you will be faithful to each other until death and that only death can separate you. You should not break this vow as will!

About the Author

Fred Gonzales is a member of the Iglesia Ni Cristo or Church of Christ. He is not a minister and does not have the authority to represent the said Church. This article might be written through the inspiration of the teachings uphold by the said Church but it should be considered just a personal writing, not of the Church.

A visitor of this blog sent us an email asking our help to know if he’s really the father of his son to his wife.

Here’s part of his email. It was written in Bisaya and I just translated it into English.

Question Related to Knowing If the Son is Really the Son of a Father.

Hello. I am a seaman and have a wife with a four-month old son.

Last April 2010, I married my girlfriend who was already pregnant. Then on October 27, 2010 she delivered our son while I was away from her.

Now my problem is that my colleagues here in a tanker-vessel keep telling me that the real father of my son might not be me considering that I went home and had a contact with her starting on the last week of February 2010. They said that if I were the father of my son, then it should be normally be born by the third or fourth week of November 2010. They are also telling me that when we’re having a contact, my girlfriend was already a month pregnant.

My question is: How could we know if I am the real father of my son?

My Answer

DNA Test

Actually, there is only one perfect and effective way in determining if you are the biological father of your son… this is by doing a DNA test. But based on what I heard, DNA test is costly.

Blood Typing

Some also said that you can determine whether you are the biological father of your wife’s or girlfriend’s child by simply comparing your blood type to the child’s blood type. But, scientifically, blood typing couldn’t be use for this purpose because your blood type and that of your own biological child is not always the same. There is always a possibility that your child has a blood type different of yours.

Mother: Blood Type A
Father: Blood Type A
Child: Either A or O

Mother: Blood Type B
Father: Blood Type B
Child: Either B or O

Mother: Blood Type AB
Father: Blood Type A
Child: Either Blood type A, B or AB. It is also true if the Mother has type A and the Father has type AB

Mother: Blood Type A
Father: Blood Type B
Child: Either A, AB, B or O. It is also true if the Mother has type B and the Father has type A.

Mother: Blood Type O
Father Blood Type A
Child: Either A or O. It is also true if the Mother has type A and the Father has type O.

Mother: Blood Type O
Father Blood Type B
Child: Either B or O. It is also true if the Mother has type B and the Father has type O.

Counting the Number of Weeks of Pregnancy

Counting the number of weeks of pregnancy can actually help. It should be better if you were there during your wife’s first meeting with your OB/Gyne and took note of what the doctor asked your wife and what the doctor told your wife about the possible dates of delivery.

The doctor usually asks your wife the first day of her last menstruation. From that, the doctor can estimate the possible dates when your wife will deliver your son.

For example, if your wife’s last menstruation was on last week of January 2010 and the first day of it was January 20, 2010 then doctor will usually add 7 days to January 20, 2010 and the resulting date will be January 27, 2010. Then from that, the doctor will count 40 weeks. And the 40th week will be October 27, 2010.

From that, the doctor usually will tell your wife that she might deliver your son in one of the days in a week before October 27, 2010 up to a week after October 27, 2010 or from October 20, 2010 to November 3, 2010.

In your email sent to me, you said that you went home on the last week of February 2010. So, for example you went home and had your first contact on February 23 and on that contact, your wife got pregnant immediately. In that case, you can just count 40 weeks including the February 23. And the 40th week is November 23. In other words, your child will be born on November 23 or in one of the days in November 16 to November 30.

However, it is of course possible that your child will be born on October, but it’s the case of an immature delivery.

And just like what I said above, it would be better if you know the prediction of the doctor that your wife had consulted. His prediction is important because from there, you can estimate the date when the fetus or embryo was formed.

For example, if the doctor has predicted that your wife will deliver your son by the last week of October or by the first week of November, then by adding three months from the predicted weeks, you can already tell the start of your wife’s pregnancy which is the last week of January or the first week of February. Now, since you went home on the last week of February, then I think, you have the reason to doubt.

Ask Your Wife

Actually, your wife can tell you the truth. Talk to her. Tell her about your doubts and why you’re doubting. Then ask her if you really are the biological father of your son.

There are lots of pictures emerge in your mind by simply reading the title of this post that reads “The Grandmother Gives Birth to her Grandchild”. You will be wondering how come that the granny will give birth to her grandchild. Is the father of the child the son of the woman? If that is the case, then the child is the son of his older brother, or the child is the grandchild of his own mother.

However, in the case of this 61-year old woman in Illinois, Kristine Casey, is not as the one that I mentioned above. She was simply carrying the child of her daughter, Sarah Connell. It’s just a simple help to make sure that the baby of her daughter will live from its conception till its birth. She carried the fetus for 39 weeks and delivered it through Caesarean Section on the night of February 11, 2011.

Photo credit: Chicago Tribune

The eggcell and the spermcell which are used in the formation of the embryo are of the Connells couple. So, Sarah’s mother is simply the surrogate here and the biological parents are still the Connells couple.

The Message from the News

If you’re still trying to have a baby yet it seems that the baby won’t survive when still fetus inside your womb, then why not consider having a surrogate for your baby. Ask your mother, she might be qualified to be a surrogate for her own grandchild.

Thinking of the date 11-11-11, some couple decide to have their wedding on November 11, 2011 thinking that the date will bring them good luck. But how about having an 11-11-11 baby?

Well, you still have time to prepare for having an 11-11-11 baby, except of course if you already have started the process of making baby last night as you celebrated the Valentine’s Day. If the baby was formed already last night, then we’ll be expecting the baby to be born on November 7, 2011. Remember that baby usually is being born on the 38th week of pregnancy, although there are factors that might make the pregnancy a week longer or a week shorter.

In other words, if you wanted to have an 11-11-11 baby, then you should start the act of making a baby on February 18. You can even take the one whole week of doing the act of making a baby, or from February 18 to February 25 and then schedule a delivery by Caesarean Section operation on November 11.

However, it would only be effective if the ovulation period of the wife falls in one of the days in February 18 to February 25. So, the first day of the menstruation period of the wife for the month of February should be on February 11 to 15 considering that the ovulation period usually happened a week after the first day of menstruation.

I just want to introduce to you the future Chief Editor of this blog, “Carl Justine ‘CJ’ Laplana”. He’s my son who is currently 34 weeks and 6 days fetus. He will be coming out from his mother’s womb by the first week of May 2009.

How did I get that Photo of CJ?

After our wedding on June 20, 2008, my wife and I monitored her (my wife) menstrual cycle by recording the days of her menstruation. With this, I could estimate when would be her fertile period.

Why? Well, the fertile days of woman is the best time to perform sex not just to make sure that my wife would get pregnant but for our enjoyment too. Didn’t I tell you already that during that period, progesterone exist. And the progesterone hormone is responsible to the increase of the sex drive of the woman. Consider reading my article, “Hormonal Imbalance“.

Now, when we noticed that she missed the scheduled menstruation that should be on the last week of August 2008, we immediately did a pregnancy test and found out that she’s pregnant.

So, on the first week of September 2008 we immediately visited an OB-Gyne. Using the Doctor’s Ultrasound device, it was confirmed that my wife was really pregnant.

Since then we visited the OB-Gyne for the regular pre-natal checkup every month. The doctor used her Ultrasound device to check the status of the fetus as part of the monitoring of the development of the fetus.

I wanted to take photos of the fetus through the Ultrasound device but I was hesitant to do it knowing that the price for an Ultrasound exam was PhP700.00.

This afternoon during the prenatal of my wife, I talked to the doctor if I could take photos of my son through her Ultrasound device. The doctor agreed and did not even ask for a fee. So, while the doctor was checking our son using her Ultrasound, I was there taking photos of what had been shown on the Ultrasound device monitor.

In other words, that photo posted above was taken on the monitor of the Ultrasound device used by the doctor.

A British man killed his estranged wife after learning that she changed her marital status to single at her Facebook account.

”Richardson became enraged when Sarah changed her marital status on Facebook to single and decided to go and see her as she was not responding to his messages,” Cortese said.

”He gained entry by breaking the front door window and made his way into the property.

”Once inside, he found Sarah in her bedroom and subjected her to a frenzied and brutal attack with a knife and then attempted to take his own life.”

This incident is a lesson to married ones who are trying to act like unmarried by setting the marital status in Friendster, Facebook, MySpace or any social networking sites to “single” because it will really cause trouble between the couple especially if their husbands or wives are jealous.

What if you are the husband. You donated one of your kidney to your wife while you are still married because you loved her and wanted her to live longer with you and your children. But after two years, your wife found a man, felt in love with him, and cheated you. To add more pain on you, she filed a divorce and prevented you from seeing your children.

My questions are:

1. What would you do now?
2. Would you demand her to return back your kidney?

Actually, the scenario I gave you (above) is what really happened to Dr. Richard Batista, a Surgeon in New York, USA.

Dr. Batista married Dawnell (a nurse) in 1990. In 2001, Dawnell Batista’s kidneys failed to function, so with his love to his wife he donated his one kidney to his wife.

After surviving the transplant, Dawnell got injured that she needed to undergo a therapy. While in therapy, she felt inlove with the therapist. And in July 2005, Dawnell filed a divorce.

Dr. Batista countersued his soon-to-be ex-wife. And later he demanded that Dawnell should return back his kidney. (source)