I am trying to write articles that will help you strengthen your own family. However, I have the hard time finishing it. So, instead of sharing you my own article, I rather share you an article written by a Minister of the Iglesia Ni Cristo, Brother Roland A. Aguirre and was published with the Pasugo-God’s Message magazine (July 2009, Volume 61, Number 7, pages 33-36).
The title of the article is: Why Family Matters, and how can we make it strong and secure. The article is quite long but you can browse it by its sub-titles.
- Introduction
- A Divine Institution
- A Blessed and Secure Household
- Communicating, Sharing
- Watching Over the Children, Being a Role Model
- Parental Discipline
- Valuing Marriage and Married Life
- Children with a Promise
- About the Pasugo-God’s Message
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Introduction
By and large, no community, society or nation will rise or progress if its basic foundation – which is the family – is weak. Yet today the family has been under constant assault. Just consider these: the high rate of children being born to unmarried mothers and the increasing divorce rate are sweeping through many countries in unprecedented proportions, affecting the children’s future and that of the next generation.
A recent report released by the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that, worldwide, the highest unwed birth rates be found among the Scandinavian nations; in Iceland for example, 66 percent of births were to unmarried women, 55 percent in Sweden, 54 percent in Denmark; the United States unwed rate of 40 percent was about equal to that of the United Kingdom and the Netherlands; also, the CDC data stated that between 40 and 50 percent of American marriages end in divorce (ABC News).
Moreover, statistics from the United Nations have indicated a trend of rising divorce rates in recent years, not only in the US but also in many countries such as Brazil, Great Britain, and Germany; and many Asian countries such as India and China are catching up; the divorce rate in Korea, for instance, is ranked third in the world (Women of China).
Sadly, this sharp rise in the number of children being born out wedlock and in the number of divorced people has negative consequences especially to the children.
Various studies have indicated that children born in such an environment are more prone to a whole range of problems – such as juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, suicides, and dropping out of schools – than those who were not. Many other psychiatric and emotional problems, experts say, are present as well among such children, due greatly to the instability and breakdown of the family (Heritage).
In addition, recent statistics have also revealed rising number of unmarried couples living together, domestic disputes, marital conflicts, among others, that reflect a lackadaisical attitude toward marriage and a waning regard for the value of the family.
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A Divine Institution
God did not intend the family to be in such a sad and dismal state of affairs. He instituted the family for the benefit of its members; there is no denying that a strong family is for the best interest of both parents and children alike. Consequently, a stronger family unit makes for a better and more caring society; hence, if we want a strong and stable nation, we must start with the most basic of social institutions – the family. Therefore, we need to support the advocacy of concerned sectors for the protection, preservation, and strengthening of the family.
Believing that the family is a divine institution and that its disintegration will adversely affect not only society but our relationship with God as well, the Iglesia Ni Cristo promotes good family values and various activities to strengthen family relationships through its Christian family organizations, namely, the Buklod, KADIWA, and Binhi.
The Church, to underscore the value of the family, upholds biblical teachings such as obedience to and faith in God, respect for parents, proper marriage and married life, caring for and disciplining of children, proper relationships between husband and wife and between parents and children, among others – to guide members on how to successfully overcome the challenges facing our family today and thus make it stable, strong, and secure - a blessed family we all greatly desire.
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A Blessed and Secure Household
God’s blessings to our family are firmly anchored on its members having reverent fear of the Lord. This can be gleaned from the following passages:
“Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around the table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD.” (Ps. 128:1-4, new King James Version)
Inevitably, such household members who walk in His ways or obey His commandments will live securely and in peace. And the parents are the ones whom God holds accountable for teaching their children; they are responsible for religious instruction in their household (Deut. 4:10). Surely, the family should be where Christian values and character are nurtured and cultivated. Hence, parents should diligently teach God’s commandments to their children at all opportune times:
“You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” (Deut. 11:19-20, NKJV)
The hustle and bustle of everyday life should not make parents forget that one of their top priorities is making sure that their children walk in God’s ways, that is, providing not only for their physical and emotional needs but also moral and spiritual guidance in order to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, New International Version). That means introducing them to the teaching about the true God, providing them spiritual guidance, praying with them, worshipping with them and attending various Church acitivies.
Needless to say, strengthening the family is not an easy task, but the sacrifices and toils of parents are worth if they have nurtured and guided their sons and daughters to become strong and faithful youth of the Church.
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Communicating, Sharing
In these days of busyness and instant results, valuable commodities that are lacking in families are time and attention. This should not be the case with the family of God’s people. Although parents have to struggle for their family to make ends meet in today’s world, still, they must be available in their children’s lives, spending quality time with them. They must never neglect initiating dialogues between them and their children, given the advent of the television, the Internet, PC games, video game consoles, etc., that have taken the place of meaningful conversation. With the lack of attention and care, many of the kids today are growing up without essential moral values and, much worse, spiritually immature – to the detriment of the family.
Communication is the key. And what better things to communicate and share than God’s abiding love and mercy to our family. Thus, in order to strengthen the family, parents should never forget to pass down to the next generation the good things God has done to them:
“Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” (Deut. 4:9, ibid.)
God urges parents to share their experiences, wherein His compassion was revealed and important lessons were learned, to their children. Through God’s acts of kindness, younger people can gain inspiration from their parent’s successes and avoid their mistakes. These and other amzing things that attest to His goodness and mercy that must be passed down to the next generation – such as the work of salvation that was started by the Messenger of God in these last days, the continued success of the church led by the present Church administration, our divine calling in the Church, and God’s continued blessings and protection – are a lasting legacy we can bequeath our children.
No stone should be left unturned, indeed, as far as the parents in God’s nation are concerned in providing for the spiritual growth and development of their family.
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Watching Over the Children, Being a Role Model
However, it is not enough that parents teach their children to enhance their family’s spiritual life. They should watch over their children to ensure that they obey the teachings of God taught to them (Prov. 31:27-29).
Parents should know where to draw the line for their children when it comes to relationships with others. They must know their children’s companions; where they are and what they are doing. Precisely, for friends and acquaintances might be the ones luring them to violate God’s laws. We should not let our children fall I nto sin; we should advise them to avoid evil influences:
“Son, when sinners temp you, don’t give in. … Son, don’t go with people like that. Stay away from them.” (Prov. 1:10, 15, Today’s English Version).
Even activities within the confines of the home should be monitored. The use of the Internet should be supervised, for these are websites and chat rooms that are inappropriate for children and very detrimental to their well-being; many PC and online games are violent and use obscene languages. TV Viewing must be regulated and supervised as well because children tend to absorb everything that they see.
Furthermore, strengthening the family’s spiritual foundation necessitates parents to be paragons of true Christian living and faith to their children because it is not only what we say but what we do that ruly counts. And so, parents should lead their children in attending the congregational worship service at the house of worship, as God said to Moses and the Israelites before:
“The LORD will choose a single place where he is to be worshiped. … Be joyful there in his presence, together with your children …” (Deut. 12:11-12, ibid/)
Likewise, the father should exercise parenting by example by leading his wife and children in standing firm in their conviction that whatever happens, they will stand fast on the side of the Lord and will always remain obedience members of the Church of Christ. As a father, he should emulate Joshua who stood firm in his faith vis-à-vis serving false gods in their midst and thus said, “… But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Josh. 24:15, NKJV). Accordingly, no parent should allow his children to be enticed by a false preacher and a false religion that will separate them from the true Christian Church.
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Parental Discipline
Strengthening the family necessitates parents, however busy their schedules may be, to make sure that no one in their household, especially among their children, would do things that can turn them away from God (Deut. 29:18).
Some of these abominable deeds are the worship of false gods, alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, and premarital sex. Parents should also make sure that their children do not become romantically involved with or marry unbelievers or those who do not belong to God’s nation (Deut. 7:3-4).
In the event that a child commits misdeeds or misdemeanours or if he is about to sin, a parent should be prepared to restrain, correct or discipline him. God expects parents to neither withhold correction nor hesitate to discipline erring children (Prov. 23:13). Disciplining an errant child is an act of parental care and concern; a loving parent disciplines his child promptly:
“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” (Prov. 13:24, NKJV)
Parents should not be afraid to discipline their children, but must do it with caution and proper care, for he loves his child “is careful to discipline him” (Prov. 12:24. NIV). What is prohibited on the part of the parents is scolding or disciplining children too much:
“Fathers, don’t scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying.” (Coo. 3:21, Iving Bible)
The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow properly, neither provoking them to anger or discouragement nor being overly strict with them that they grow up with inferiority complex. With proper or reasonable discipline and correction, children will grow up with a clear understanding of what is right and wrong and with proper direction to their lives, benefiting them in the end:
“Don’t hesitate to discipline a child. … As a matter of fact, it may save his life.” (Prov. 23:13-13, TEV)
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Valuing Marriage and Married Life
For parents to be effective in teaching their children, they must first demonstrate their high regard for the institution of marriage that God established (Gen. 2:23-24). Farthest from their mind is violating wht God has decreed regarding marriage:
“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” (I Cor. 7:10-11, NIV).
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It should not be short-lived union- which spells trouble for children. Certainly, God hates divorce; He does not allow married couples to separate (Mal. 2:16; Matt. 19-6). The only thing that can separate them is death. Divorce does not conform to God’s teachings. Marital breakdown, therefore, affects not only the wellbeing of children, but their relationships with God as well.
Also, marriage must remain honourable. The Bible clearly states that “… God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery” (Heb. 13:4, TEV). Married couples in God’s nation should honor the sanctity of marriage, remaining faithful to each other and never allowing their relationship to be tarnished by infidelity. By doing so, not only do they preserve and protect their union but the family’s harmony and unity.
Indeed, protecting the threatened institution of marriage and making it strong entails commitment to one’s spouse, and most importantly, faithfulness to God and His commandments.
In addition, in the family of God’s people, the wife and children recognize the father as the head of the family, just like Abraham, who was given the right or authority to command his children and his household (Gen. 18:19). To prove that they recognize the right of husbands as head of their family, wives ought to obey God’s commandment to them that says. “Wives, submit to your husbands.” (Col. 3:18, NIV). A wife should not be self-willed; hence, she does not make decisions without first consulting her husband.
Marital and family stability is undeniably linked to blessings and benefits for our family, and this can be achieved by obedience to God’s laws and teachings.
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Children with a Promise
The importance of proper religious instruction to children in making the families in God’s nation bastions of strength cannot be over emphasized. If it is not practiced it could have dire consequences for the family because, “A foolish son is his father’s ruin” (Prov. 19:13, ibid). A foolish child brings grief, shame, and trouble to his parent and family. Contrastingly, “Precious treasure remains in the house of the wise …” (Prov. 21:20, New Revised Standard Version). Children who are wise are those who understand and keep the commandments of God in their life. They are the children or youth who are strong and will defeat evil (I John 2:14). They are the children who will receive God’s promise:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth (Eph. 6:1-3, NIV).
Children who honor their mother and father and show their great appreciation of their parent’s sacrifices for them, not only during special occasions, are truly worthy of god’s promises in this life. Most importantly, children who honor God, above all, by obeying His commands will receive His eternal rewards on the appointed day.
Without a doubt, fulfilling the roles and responsibilities that God entrusts to parents and children will greatly redound to a strong and secure family, for the benefit of its own members. Thus, even though we live in a world where the family is under constant threat, where the diminution of the value of family is increasing everyday, yet, for God’s true servants – family still matters.
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About the Pasugo – God’s Message
Pasugo-God’s Message is published monthly by the Iglesia Ni Cristo with editorial office at No. 1 Central Avenue, New Era, Quezon City, Philippines.
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